So...SAHM - so far, so good (most days). There are some days when I feel like I'm really getting the hang of things --- my children are happy, fed, diapers are changed, and stimulated just enough. I'm able to get up at a decent time (if Kellen sleeps in AND Mila has a relatively light morning grunt-wise), I've got no where to rush off to, and my kids are overall cooperative in allowing me to get them ready and out the door to wherever with little-to-no fuss. These days I'm on top of the world, feeling like supermom and that I made the right decision staying home this year (and potentially future years).
Then there are the days where it seems that nothing can go right. Kellen is having tantrum after tantrum, whining non-stop, and hanging on my leg. Mila won't sleep, cries anytime I put her down, and is pooping out of every diaper I put on her. I don't have enough time to do my makeup or even try to look decent. There are loads of laundry to be washed, a sink full of dishes, and the house is entirely covered in clutter. We're running super late to wherever it is we are trying to get to. On these days, I question my motive for deciding to stay home. I feel pretty much like the most awful mom in the world. The kids seem to not be happy at all. They are fed and diapers are changed, but whatever I'm doing doesn't seem to be stimulating them in the right way. These days are really, really tough. These are the days I just need someone to be there with me, someone to give me just an hour break. Someone to talk to. But I don't have that, because it's just me! I'm a SAHM. It's just me and the kids. One of the things that makes it even harder on the tough days is the fact that Aaron usually doesn't get home from work until sometime between 7 and 8, so it makes for some really long days...especially those days where the kids are up at 7 and daddy isn't home until 8! Even though I am so, so, so happy Aaron got this new and important gig at his job, there is the downside of more responsibility = more time at work. I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too. So, yeah. I totally have some really tough days, but thankfully, the good days outweigh the bad.
Cloth diapering is going really well so far. I liked it so much, and we have an abundant supply of cloth diapers, so I decided to start CDing Kellen as well. He took to the change like a champ, and I'm really happy that we're saving even more money by not buying diapers, and that I'm doing my part in helping keep the world a little greener. There are parts to CDing that totally suck, like the laundry, and taking the time to stuff the pocket diapers once they're dry, but I'm getting used to it. I've got my routine. I wash them every other day. Cold rinse, hot wash with special detergent, throw the inserts, wipes, and prefolds in the dryer, and hang the pocket diapers and prefold diaper covers to dry. Once everything is dry, I sort it out, stuff the pocket diapers with their inserts, and pack them away. Only 1 1/2 more days (sigh) until I start the process again. Another thing that is kind of lame about CDing is that you can't just throw it away when you're out and about. But it's not too big of a deal, because I just throw the diaper in my wet bag, or if that's dirty, just throw it in a plastic bag and into the diaper bag, and we're on our way. No big deal. I've officially been CDing now for 6 weeks, and it seems to get easier and easier every week, so I'm going to continue to stick with it. I hope to stick with it for as long as both kids are in diapers. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I do put Kellen in a disposable at night because he sleeps 10 - 12 hour stretches and wakes up with very wet diapers. To be honest, I haven't even tried him in a cloth diaper at night, but I just know we'll wake up with some major leakage, and I just don't have the energy to deal with that. I'll post more in depth on my CD experience in the near future, for those who are interested!
My cloth diapered cutie #1
And cloth diapered cutie #2
Something important that I've learned over the past two months is that it is 100% NECESSARY to get out of the house every day, even when I'm sooooo tired. There are some days where I feel very isolated and just need some adult interaction, so I go to Target or to the grocery store. It is harder to shop with 2, but I try to make it fun and make it a learning experience for Kellen and Mila. I've been building up somewhat of a schedule this summer, and I know we'll have even more of a schedule once fall gets here, but we have ECFE days, library days, playdate days, etc. I've recently struck up a friendship with another SAHM down the street, so I'm hoping we'll have some days during the week where we get together for a walk or to watch the kids play in the backyard.
Here are a few pictures of the past month...
Bjorning it with Mila at the Leprechaun Days parade...
Dada and Aaron at said parade...
Cute little girl getting ready for church :)
Bath time for Mila!
Kellen motivating Mila during tummy time!
My little girl is just soooooooooo pretty!
Handsome little man of mine. Can you believe he is 2???
I can't!
My 30 minutes is wrapping up, and I have to get myself ready to get the kids up and out the door for Kellen's 2-year and Mila's 2-month doctor appointments. I'm extremely anxious for these appointments because my last several doctor's visits with Kellen have been quite miserable, what with all the crying and hysterics. Wish me luck!
I will say that I am jealous of your SAHM status but at the same time not sure I could do it! SAHM's are some strong people if you ask me. There are many days now when I just throw my hands in the air and say I need a break from my kids and work outside the home 40hrs a week. Can't imagine what it is like when you are with them 24/7 but at the same time you dont miss a thing with them either. Mason has done some of this firsts at daycare or at Grandma's while I am at work and that hurt and made me feel guilty for leaving him. I know he will do it again and it will be a first for me when I see it but it just isn't the same. As for not giving them equal attention, I don't think that feeling ever goes away but you just need to remind yourself that you are giving everything to have to them and that is all they need. Colton has told me on occasions that I love Mason more or he feels left out and that is simply because Mason needs me more (for diaper changes, food, pretty much everything). It has been an adjustment going from one to two but it does get easier. As she gets older and you can start to the same things with both that helps! Everything has it pros and cons but it sounds like you are handling it all quite well and in my mind if anyone can be a stay at home mom successfully it is you! As for the cloth diapering... you are awesome! If we were having another I think maybe I would give it a try becuase you make it seem so possible (although the laundry part starting over in 1.5 days does make me think I would never last)!! Your kids are beautiful. Can't believe they are 2 and 2 months already... time goes so fast! Looking forward to seeing both of them (and you) soon.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great update! It sounds like you are all in a good groove. Even if there are bad days sprinkled in there - we all have them to varying degrees, even toddlers and babies I guess. And the best part is that tomorrow is always a new day.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing mother, and though I imagine you wish you had a second "you" to be able to provide uninterrupted attention to each child, you do the best you can do, and they are beautiful, healthy, lovely little children so you're obviously doing it right! Hopefully the guilt goes away a little as you get more and more into your life as a family of four. (Jealous!)
I learned a lot about cloth diapers from this post. I never knew there were inserts and stuff. Interesting!
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