My little man is getting so big, so fast! I can't believe that one month has already come and gone! He seems to be more alert every day and the new things he's learning (though they are small, they make a mama very proud, like moving his arm to hit a toy and make it rattle) make me so proud and excited to see him grow. We'd been having some tough days on and off, not being able to figure out why Kellen is so upset and being unable to stop him from crying, but its slowly getting better. For 5 days in a row 1 1/2 weeks ago, Kellen would cry and cry and cry from about 5 - 10, and the only thing that made him feel better was to nurse...so, I pretty much sat with my boobs out for 5 hours straight every night. Yikes! The end of the week was much better, and I'm not quite sure what we did to make it better, but we were excited nonetheless! We had another tough couple of days mid-week, but I'm thankful that I've got some awesome friends and mentors to give me good advice and help me to not feel so alone. Kellen's sleep has been another thing altogether - we've stopped trying to get Kellen to sleep in his bassinet - he just doesn't seem to like it much. So, what I've been doing is nursing him to sleep and then letting him fall asleep either on my belly or next to me. Then, once he's out, we put him in his little lamb swing where he has slept for up to 6 1/2 hours at a time, which is AMAZING! I usually leave the swinging motion on for the first 30 - 60 minutes and then turn it off. Someone told me I shouldn't have the swing on for too long because once I start sleep "training" he'll be too used to it and won't be able to sleep in something that doesn't swing. Who knows - I'm just going with what works! If me doing back flips will help him sleep better, I'll do a million backflips. Some people look at me like I'm crazy when I say that he sleeps in a swing, but most of these people don't have kids and therefore, have no idea what its like to be desperate for sleep! We'll figure this sleep thing out. My coworker recommended I read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," which I just ordered off of Amazon.com, so I'm hoping I'll get some helpful ideas once we start trying to put Kellen in his crib.

I just realized today that I don't really have many pictures of me with Kellen, and when I started to think about "why" I realized its because I HATE every picture with me in it and end up deleting them off the camera. I know, I know...I just had a baby and I have to give myself time, but I just can't stand to look at myself with all this extra weight, acne, and orange hair (although I have been doing something about the hair). So I'm making an honest effort to take some pictures and just accept how they turn out. Speaking of weight - I weighed myself this morning and realized I haven't lost any weight in a week. I was so pumped in prior weeks because I lost 20 pounds so fast and was thinking the remaining 15 would come off just as fast. Nope. Still stuck with 15 left to go and its really bothering me that I can't work out or do anything about it. Not many of my prepregnancy clothes fit, and the ones that do are uncomfortable and show off my muffin top. Ick. I don't want to be in maternity clothes too long, and I packed up all the ones that I borrowed from Alicia so that I'd be motivated to lose the weight faster, so I don't have many options. I figure that most days, I'm just home in sweat pants and t-shirts, so when people do see me, they won't notice that I'm wearing the same thing every day. Anywho, without being able to lower my calorie intake too much because of nursing, I'm feeling really stuck with this fat. Will I ever get my body back? I'm not asking to be the size I was at my wedding, but I'm at least hoping to fit into my old clothes - I can not afford to buy brand new clothes. Can you tell I'm a little obsessed with this? Erg, I digress...

On a happy note, I got to spend a lot of time with my friends this past week, which has been wonderful! It feels so good to get out and see everyone. When I'm home alone with Kellen during the week, I kind of forget about the world out there and how there's so much fun to be had. And now that Kellen is becoming more portable, in the sense that he's easier to take places, its becoming more fun to get out! And...we start our Mom & Baby class this Wednesday, which I'm super excited for!!