Just a little way to go!

3 weeks and counting...or sooner if they have to do a c-section (please no, please no). When I first found out that baby Pierce was completely breech, I was a huge mess. I probably used up half a box of tissues in the doctor's office, with my ob nurse and Aaron trying to console me, telling me all the positives of a c-section (if I have to have one). Then walking out of the office, all of the other pregnant ladies looking at me, this disheveled and emotional wreck - I'm sure that made them wonder what the heck was going on! Then calling my mom on the way home, I could barely get out any words I was crying so much. And then I cried myself into a 2 hour nap when I got home. And of course, what is on the t.v. when I wake up? A Baby Story - and of course, the mom happens to be delivering her baby vaginally right when I turn it on. So, the show that I usually LOVE to watch is the one thing that made me hurt even more. The only thing that really made me feel better was to rub my belly and talk to my baby, just hoping and praying that he/she is healthy. Truly, that is really all that matters to me, that baby Pierce is healthy. All in all, as long as baby Pierce is healthy, it doesn't matter to me whether he/she comes vaginally or via a c-section, although I would clearly prefer a vaginal delivery. All of the work I've been doing (stretches, exercises, practice breathing), all the books I've been reading, all of the imagery I've been practicing, has been focused on me delivering my little munchkin naturally. Just imagining the final pushes and having baby Pierce laid right on my chest and immediately nursing makes my heart melt, and to find out that there's a 50/50 chance that that experience will be taken away...it just broke my heart. The part that hurts the most is that I may not be able to spend those first few precious moments w/ my baby in my arms...I'll instead be in surgery, wondering how my baby is doing, who is holding my baby, etc. I know that all women who have to go through an unexpected c-section go through similar emotions, and that I'm not alone, but just getting used to the idea that things won't happen the way I had hoped will take time.

So here's the timeline - on Monday (the19th) I find out if baby is still breech. If not, YAY and I go on as planned until I go into labor (this is what I'm hoping, praying, begging for)!! If baby is still breech, they schedule me to go to the hospital either later that week or early the following week for an external version. I need to be at the hospital for this procedure because a) they have to check my level of amniotic fluid to make sure there's enough or not too much to flip the baby, b) they have to make sure the umbilical cord is in a position that won't hurt the baby if they flip him/her, c) they have to give me medication to relax my uterus so that it will be possible to flip, and d) there are risks, such as going into labor or placental abruption (which is very very rare and would require emergency c-section). A lot of people have told me that they know people who had an external version and it worked, so I'm hopeful! And, on the other hand, I've had some people tell me "I heard it hurts a LOT and that its not worth it." These people piss me off because if they've never been in this position, they have no clue what it feels like! It's either do an external version and hope to deliver vaginally or accept a c-section! Anywho, if the external version doesn't work (it has a success rate of 50%), then I have a c-section, which will be scheduled the week before my due date. I've had a few people tell me that they've known someone who went in for a scheduled c-section, and when they did the ultrasound to check the baby's position, it had flipped to vertex (head down) position. So, seeing as I have all of these things that seem to be going for me (that the baby will flip on its own or that the external version will work), there's still a chance I can have the delivery I imagined/hoped for. And if not, I get to meet my beautiful baby on a pre-determined date, and I am at peace with that if that's how it turns out!

So as I'm nearing the end of pregnancy, I've kind of been thinking about the things I've really enjoyed and also of the things I am looking forward to doing once again once baby Pierce is here:

Positive/Awesome Things:
-Finding out we were pregnant; that was probably the coolest day ever! I can still picture it!!!
-Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time (and 2nd time, 3rd time, 4th time, etc)
-Feeling the baby's first movement (unreal!!)
-Seeing the baby on ultrasound and finding out baby Pierce was healthy and on track!
-Seeing my belly grow to accommodate for my growing baby!
-Setting up the nursery (which is almost completely done, by the way)
-Sharing the excitement with Aaron - he is soooo very excited to be a daddy!
-Sharing the excitement with friends and family!! We feel so very loved!
-Imagining what life will be like when baby Pierce is here!!
-Imagining the first moment when I look into my baby's eyes!!
-Looking forward to the surprise of finding out if baby Pierce is a boy or girl!!
-There are many, many more things, but that would probably take me hours to list!

Things I experienced in pregnancy that weren't so wonderful:
-The horrible morning sickness from week 6 to week 18. Ick!
-The kidney stones - double ick!
-The constant paranoia that something was wrong with baby Pierce - this mostly subsided once I felt the first movement and when we had our ultrasound
-The acne
-The heartburn; this really hasn't been a problem until more recently, but the constant feeling that I could burp up everything I just ate is not pleasant, whatsoever...
-Sleep issues - having to get up constantly to pee and only being able to sleep on my left or right side sucks. I CANNOT WAIT until I can sleep on my belly again! Seriously so excited!
-Getting out of breath after simply walking up a flight of steps...seriously? I've run dozens and dozens of road races and even 2 marathons and I am having this much trouble breathing??? Wow.
-My expanding body - the # on the scale is definitely more than I ever thought I'd weigh, that's for sure. Yup ladies and gentlemen, I've gained 31 lbs. Scary. I know it all serves a purpose, but its still freaky for a girl who has always been concerned with her weight. I'm definitely excited to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothing within the next few months!

As you can see, there are many more positives than negatives, but everything worth anything in life is worth experiencing the negatives. I get a beautiful baby out of this and I feel so blessed to be experiencing all of this right now! Only 2 - 3 more weeks until I meet my sweet blessing!!!